We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
