You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
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We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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