At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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