That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
