whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
