too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
