You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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