This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
