i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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