Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
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Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
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Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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