if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
