Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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