OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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