Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
