Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
