Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
