Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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