i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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