dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
