I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I could make wine with my vomit
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
