so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
