Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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