I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
