she woke up with a sticky ear
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
