No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
