i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
