i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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