Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
