I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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