I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
