Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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