Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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