Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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