i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
