Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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