; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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