You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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