So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
