We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
