You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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