I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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