i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
