i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
