I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
