I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
