Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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