first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
