My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
