Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
