butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it's like heaven, but drunker
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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