Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
