at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
