took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
