So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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