normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
