You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
