hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
