You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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