is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
