I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
