walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
