i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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