Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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