i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
