so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
