I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize